Headphones
Holy shit!
My headphones just broke.
This is my fifth pair of broken headphones since I got my iPod in January. What!
It's not even like I'm buying the same brand or style of headphones, I try out all kinds of different things every time I have to get a new pair!
Shit sux.
Headphones suck.
1/10

The Killers
They became really popular starting last summer, and coasted on their first album for the entire last year, releasing a new single every three or four months to keep interest up. Brandon Flowers, the frontman, wears too much makeup. But that's forgiveable. Even Green Day wears too much makeup nowaday. Also, his last name is too hippie for someone who isn't actually a hippie. In general I can never remember what songs are called, but with The Killers it's easy because the name of the song is always such a major prominent part of the lyrics. They've had some lame rivalry with The Bravery because they sound similar. Listening to the Bravery actually makes me like the Killers less, and it doesn't make me like the Bravery either. 6/10

Franz Ferdinand
Last summer was the time when Take Me Out came out as well. Franz and the Killers were consistently played together on the radio for the entire summer. Always, one after the other. But after the summer Franz's singles never made it as big as The Killers'. They were just as popular a band, but they got a quarter as much radio time. For most of the year it sort of puzzled me, but it occurs to me that Franz Ferdinand just released a new album, and the Killers are still touring for their debut, so Hot Fuss was probably just being promoted like hell. Franz Ferdinand writes and plays better music than the Killers. 9/10

The Drummer From Franz Ferdinand
Amazingly ugly. Wow!
Really, look at him in this video. He's the third one over. There is nothing else remarkable about him. 4/10

Because that video isn't going to be hosted forever, and also because someone's computer might not have quicktime or something, here's a picture of Franz's drummer: Ugly Drummer

Harold and Kumar Go To Whitecastle
harold: I grew up like this
kumar: and I grew up like this
harold: we grew up differently
kumar: we have different worldviews
harold: my natural inclination to be cooperative is superseded by my inclination to be antagonized when presented with a conflicting worldview.
kumar: as is mine.
harold lunges and punches kumar in the thigh.
I have never seen Harold and Kumar Go To Whitecastle and the above dialogue is unrelated save for the names. I imagine it's probably a pretty funny movie. Then again, my life has not seemed to lack as a direct result of my not seeing it. 5/10

Pierced Eyeglasses
Zomigod! These are about the second coolest thing in the entire universe. Seriously. I actually wish I had flawed vision and needed glasses just so I could get these! They're way cooler than the big chunky Elvis Costello glasses. Cooler than pretty much anything you can put on your face ever! Seriously, I'm tempted to get them and then just have normal glass in them, like those dudes who get fashionable glasses with ordinary glass. Actually, they're not available for public consumption yet, so maybe by the time they are I'll have bad eyes. 9/10

Where The Streets Have No Name
It's the same as I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For, except with different words. 3/10

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
Seriously, they're the same. When one comes on the radio I am unable to distinguish between them until the chorus. 3/10

Straw Houses
Very flimsy. Very inexpensive. Likely hard to work with, one of many reasons straw is not widely considered a viable building material. A wolf can easily blow such a house down. Hell, a hungry goat could eat such a house. 3/10

Wooden Houses
The second little pig was a retard. He made his house out of a random bundle of fucking sticks. Firewood essentially. If he'd used some proper lumber the wolf wouldn't have blown his house down with such ease and he'd still be alive today. Ignoring the retarded second pig, houses made from wood are actually quite practical. 8/10

Brick Houses
Upon initial considerations brick seems safe and reliable. This is a falacy. Very unsafe in earthquake conditions. You don't want to be trapped under twenty tons of brick and mortar when the big one hits. Fairly safe from brisk winds and huffing puffing wolves. Have you ever read The Cask of Amontillado by Edgar Allen Poe? This demonstrates the gravest danger of brick and mortar buildings. You never hear about drunks being sealed and left to rot away in the niches of wooden or straw houses. 5/10

Glass Houses
Generally metaphorical. Would be highly impractical in real life. 2/10

Guys Who Look Like Me
I'm attracted to guys who look like me. Not necessarily exactly like me, but they look similar to me or maybe share some facial feature with me.
Is this gay or just narcissistic?
9/10

Urban Hymns by The Verve
There are lots of Britpop bands which don't sound like Oasis. Most of them in fact. The Verve does not seem like one of these bands. Do not be fooled by Bittersweet Symphony, the only song you've ever heard by them. That song is actually just a clip of an orchestral version of The Last Time by The Rolling Stones looped over and over with Richard Ashcroft singing over it all and some drums. They did not make the music. Their actual music just sounds like sadder Oasis with less rock. 3/10

Blood
Loads of symbolic value, comes out of people when they're hurt. 8/10

Spit
Potential uses include projecting towards undesirable people, launching from great heights and polishing the filth from assorted surfaces. Of the three fluids, spit is the healthiest to consume. 7/10

Piss
Contains ammonium. Ammonium nitrate is a strong oxidizer which can be used to make explosives. Despite this, urine still isn't cool. And jokes about it still aren't funny. 4/10

Orange Juice With Pulp
Amazing. Better than real oranges. Fricking rad. King of the juice world. 9/10

Orange Juice Without Pulp
Too acidic. 6/10

Orange Juice From Concentrate
Sucks 3/10

Orange Juice From Concentrate Made With Milk Instead of Water
Disgusting. Also, surprisingly delicious (very surprisingly). The most terrifying thing you'll ever drink for the first time. Probably shouldn't exist in this world, but thank god it does. the only good thing to do with orange juice concentrate. 7/10

Okay. My last seven posts have been somehow or other related to music. Considering I specifically told myself when I started this that I would primarily review other things than music, some changes are clearly in order.

The following is adapted from a conversation, so my apologies to Richard and anyone else who has already heard most of this.

Coffee From Starbucks
Good. Strong. Expensive. Ideal for yuppies. Also suitable for hip kids who are medium to medium-high on the hiposity scale. The kind of kids who like Garden State and bands found on licensed The OC mixtapes. Did I mention that it's expensive? Yes. But it is pretty good. They also supposedly pay the farmers in third world countries who grow their coffee above the local average wage. Maybe that's why it's so expensive. 6/10

Coffee from McDonalds
Utter shit. Unbearable to consume and behold alike. An abomination in the eyes of the Lord to be condemned and destroyed without mercy or hesitation. 0/10

Coffe from Obscure Hole In the Wall Coffeeshops
Very deck. This is where the kids who are too hip for Starbucks hang out. Ideal coffee and cigarettes atmosphere. The coffee that people associate with beatniks comes from places like this. Suitable for an elite caste of kids who are willing to pick a specific coffeeshop and be unshakably loyal to it, developing at least casual friendship with all of the regulars and baristas. Said kids must also pass a written test proving themselves to be cool enough. 7/10

Coffee from Tim Hortons
Good coffee. And cheap. And simple. The complicated lingo begins and ends with "double double" which means two sugar two cream. And if you just say "two sugar two cream" they understand that too. Ideal for blue collar workers or middle class yuppies on their way to the office. To reiterate, it's cheap, and it's good. And you can get it with a donut. 9/10

My First Listen Through of Dear Catastrophe Waitress
The first Belle & Sebastian I ever heard was Your Cover's Blown, possibly their greatest song (possibly the greatest song ever).
So later that week I picked up the Dog on Wheels EP from a used CD store. It had The State That I Am In on it which is the other contender for the title of Belle & Sebastian's greatest song (and possibly the greatest song ever). After listening to that for a month I got If You're Feeling Sinister and listened to that for the rest of the summer. It was amazing.
But everything I've bought after that has been slightly more and more disapointing, unable to live up to the unbearable expectations set by these songs and albums. Tigermilk is wonderful, but I like Sinister more, The Boy with the Arab Strap isn't nearly as bad as Pitchfork makes it out to be, but it's not as good as either Sinister or Tigermilk. I bought the 1995-2001 collection of EPs the other day Push Barman to Open Old Wounds, and it's better than Arab Strap, and contends with Tigermilk, but most of it isn't as good as that first EP I bought, Dog on Wheels.
Finally I bought Dear Catastrophe Waitress after holding out for an entire year because I don't like paying more than nineteen dollars for a CD. My expectations were so high that I didn't want my first listen to just be me putting it on while I read or wrote or stenciled or computered or something, I wanted to sit and listen to it. So I had it for more than a week until today when I finally said screw it, I'll put it on while I play computer games. The first track was so ubearably good that I rolled off my bed in amaze when it started playing. The second song as also incapacitatingly good and lay on the floor for the rest of the album, leafing through the liner notes and looking at the cover art. I'm listening to it for my second time while I write this and it's still awesome. 10/10

Buying CDs
On the one hand it's lots of fun to browse through CDs and look for things I'm interested in buying, admiring cover art, checking song lists for things I recognize, looking for bands I'd like to better aquaint myself with, etc.
On the other hand, the average CD is almost up to $20 now a day.
On the one hand there's something nice about having solid real CDs, I don't read books on a computer, and though lesso, real solid CDs are cool too.
But then, I spent an hour and a half looking through three different stores with a list of seven CDs I wanted and didn't find any of them. I went home and downloaded half of them immediately.
Buying CDs is supposedly the morally correct thing to do, it gives money to the artists and the distributers.
Some record companies have started using anti-copy protection to keep you from ripping CDs to computers. A month or two ago I bought a copy protected CD and tried to rip it. It let me rip it right down to the last five seconds of the last song. For the sake of completion I downloaded a fully intact copy of that song.
Holy hell, are they outright trying to discourage CD sales here?
To conclude, buy what you can (be bothered to), download the rest. 5/10

Slut by Pretty Flowers
So it's basically just a punk song about a slutty girl. It's pretty okay I guess. Definitely the best song by the Pretty Flowers. But that doesn't matter.
What does matter is this. In the first verse they establish that her promiscuity stems from her insecurity and that she ought to get some help. So right away I'm sympathetic to her, because y'know, I'm just the kind of guy who feels for unhappy slutty girls. But then for the rest of the song she is just cruelly lambasted for being, well, a slut.
It probably shouldn't bother me, but it does. It's all like "Sure, she's a slut. But more like one of those poor waif sluts who just needs our pity and understanding. No, just kidding! She's a slutty slut! Slutty whorish impetuous strumpet style slut! She's got STDs coming out of her ears! And also from her genitals. But mostly her ears"
Hey, that's another thing. The villainization of STDs, what's the deal with that? I mean, for years AIDS has been declared the ungodly leprosy of fags and monkeys, but even things like syphillis and gonorrhea are treated like the mark of cheap crack whore prostitutes and sluts. Having an STD is not an indication of the character of a person! Most cases of facial herpes are actually passed on by sharing drinks.
I mean, let's be honest, I picked up HIV, chlamydia, genital herpes, gonorrhea, crabs, and syphilis through sheer unrepetant promiscuity, but many of the people I passed them on to were respectable sorts who happened to be rebounding from a long term relationship and needed to expend some frustration and unhappiness through alcohol and bad decisions.
Anyway. The song. 7/10

Bigmouth Strikes Again by The Smiths
Wicked song. I bought a couple CDs by The Smiths a couple years ago because they were in the cheap old CDs pile at HMV, and because I'd heard people rave on and on about them. After listening to them a few times decided The Smiths were vastly overrated, put them at the bottom of my CD rack and never looked at them again. I even almost gave them away once. Then after half a year or so I decided to listen to one of the two songs which I had liked, Rusholme Ruffians. In the process I ended up listening to the whole CD and discovered that I had made a horrible error of judgement and that, The Smiths actually are wonderful. Which is cool. This song is not the second song I already liked, but now that I like The Smiths it's pretty good. Except the backup vocals. I abhor the backup vocals in it. 7/10

The Backup Vocals in Bigmouth Strikes Again
Absolutely awful. 2/10